For Such A Time As This

"For such a time as this..." Ester 4:14

At times I often question how God is going to use me. Even though I have known that he was calling me to Uganda for some time I was still unsure of how he was going to use me. It was not until I got here that I started to see where my ministry might begin. I firmly believe that God has me here for such a time as this.

Many months ago on October 12th of 2012 the Lord woke me up out of a sound sleep and placed on my heart a phrase that I will never forget. I could vividly hear, "Transcend above all the nations and become like a star." Ever since that night I have wondered what that powerful quote could possibly mean. I never have been a person to base my decisions solely on dreams and visions. I only want to act if the Lord has clearly showed me in his word what I should do. 

It was some time later that he drew this scripture to my attention that coincided with this vision/prophetic phrase. 

Isaiah 60:1-3 "Arise, shine for your light has come and the glory of the Lord rises upon you. See darkness covers the earth and thick darkness is over the peoples, but the Lord rises upon you and his glory appears over you. Nations will come to your light and kings to the brightness of your dawn."

I knew that God was calling me to be set apart for him. He was calling me to arise and shine for his glory. He was calling me to live a life dependent on him and trusting him to lead and guide me. This was not an ordinary calling. Not only would I be ministering to people of my own culture and nationality, I would be drawing people from all different nations to Jesus christ.

At the time this seemed impossible. I thought, "Ok God you are calling me to Uganda. That is only one country. But from this scripture is sounds as though you are going to use me to minister to many nations. Am I going to be traveling to other countries besides Uganda? Wow this is getting wild!"

My human, physical mind can not wrap around the magnitude of Christ's power and detailed agenda. He was going before me and preparing the way. I just had to be obedient and patient.

It was not until I arrived at my new home on Friday afternoon that I started to understand my calling. All this time I thought God was calling me to Jinja to work at a baby home to assist the nurse and love on babies. I thought this was going to be my time of training for a future ministry. I did not even consider the fact that maybe he was calling me here to do something completely different. 

After arriving I realized that I am living in a house with 9 other girls from all over the world. Some are from Norway, some from The Netherlands, some from England, some from Japan, a few from the US and a few more girls are yet to come. I just assumed that they would all be saved and here to serve Jesus in the baby home like me. However,I quickly discovered that was not the case. They are each here with different ideas than preaching the gospel and being the hands and feet of Jesus. Quite shocked when I found out, I immediately wanted to move out. I thought, "Oh my goodness what am I doing here? I don't fit in here. I can't live with all these people who don't have the same vision as me and I have no fellowship with." But at that moment God was fast to remind me of my calling, "Transcend above all the nations and become like a star."

This was now tangible to me. I could literally sense my calling. I am still trying to figure how I am to go about doing this. I am seeking the Lord to give me wisdom and courage. I am asking him to anoint me and use my life to be a living breathing testimony of his love, and power and faithfulness. I want to live out my faith in such a way that these girls see much fruit from my life and desire to know the God that I love and serve. The God who called me here to minister to them. The God who loves them enough that he sent his son to die for them. I hope that my life illuminates the love of Jesus to them.

So I ask that you please pray for me. Pray for me to be a light to these nations. Pray that hearts would be softened. Broken hearts would be healed. Lives would be transformed. Jesus would be at work in this home. Pray that the holy spirit would be poured out on this home and Christ would become the focus! 

The Lord showed me that this season of my life will not be easy. He showed me that trials and persecution will face me. But like Paul I consider my life worth nothing unless I am using it to bring unbelievers to Jesus. I wasted so many years living for myself and pleasing my flesh. Now it is time to die to my flesh and serve the amazing God who has given me life and breath in my lungs. Let every breath be used for him and his glory. 

Acts 20:23-24 "I only know that in every city the Holy Spirit warns me that prison and hardships are facing me. However I consider my life worth nothing to me if only I may finish the race and complete the task the Lord Jesus has given me- the task of testifying to the gospel of God's grace."

Surrendering To His Plan

Not long after I returned home from Uganda I found myself in the hospital. God carried me through the entire journey unscathed, but just days after returning home I found myself sick with a cold and lung infection. It sounds worse than it really is. At times it can be frustrating, but honestly I am so used to it that it doesn't scare me. Once a few doses of IV antibiotics are pumped through my veins I am good to go and start to feel superb again. 

While I was in the hospital God started to reveal his wild plan to me. Initially I took all of my NCLEX review books to study for my nursing boards, however as most of my nursing friends know, I rarely studied.  I might as well have left the books at home because instead I found myself engrossed in a book called Kisses From Katie. For those of you who have not read it I would encourage you to buy it, rent it, barrow it, whatever it takes to get your hands on it. It is so good. Total tear jerker. 

As I read the pages of the book I reminisced about Uganda. I could picture in my mind all of the things she was describing in the book. I missed the red dirt on my feet. I missed the children hanging all over me. I missed the smiles of sweet ones who I didn't even know their names. I missed the music and the food and the dancing. I missed the smells of food cooking on open fires, I missed the sound of vehicles honking their horns. I missed cuddling with babies and rubbing their sweet little heads. It was as if the book took me back to the most incredible experience of my life. The things that other people could not relate to or understand when I would tell them, this girl was describing in her book. 

Then things got even crazier. Some of the scriptures that the Lord had shown me while I was in Uganda were the exact scriptures that the Lord had used to show Katie that she was to move to Uganda. Tell me that is not a coincidence. The Lord was starting to stir my heart at this point. 

I had pictures of Uganda and sweet babies that ran across the screen saver of my computer while I was in the hospital. I had my bible open on my night stand. And I had my Ugandan bracelet on. Whenever doctors and nurses came into my room they were asking questions about all of those things. It was perfect conversation starters and an opportunity to share Jesus with people. I am not typically one to evangelize too much. I never wanted to "shove" my beliefs on anyone before. However, while I was in Uganda God showed me that this life is all about sharing his love and gift of salvation with people. It's not about shoving my beliefs on them. It's about showing them love and living in such a way that they see the fruit of the Lord in my life. God sacrificed his son to die on the cross for my sins and I can not be ashamed or afraid to tell the world that he loved us all that much. So while I was stuck in a hospital bed for two weeks God gave me the opportunity to really share with many people and attest to the amazing work he has done in my life. 

A few weeks after leaving the hospital I was at home truly praying and seeking the Lord for direction. At this point I was behind the ball game getting my job applications in to near by hospitals and all of the new graduate nurse positions were filled. I was frustrated with myself for going to Uganda and taking my boards late and not putting myself in a good position to get a good job. However it was during that time that God really spoke to me and showed me that this life is not about having a great job that pays loads of money, it's not about having a fancy car, it's not about having my own apartment. This life is about serving God wholeheartedly and surrendering to the plans he has for our lives. 

One night early in August I was reading the word and just begging God to direct my steps. I wanted him so badly to show me his plan and will for my life. I was reading and reading and reading and nothing seemed to jump out at me. I was searching and not finding. Then the Lord prompted me to go back to the scripture in Isaiah that he had used to guide me through my time of fasting from my medications while I was in Uganda the first time. It was then that I was blown away by what he showed me. 

Isaiah 58:10-11 "and if you spend yourselves in behalf of the hungry and satisfy the needs of the oppressed then your light will rise in the darkness, and your night will become like the noonday. The Lord will guide you always, he will satisfy your needs in a sun scorched land and will strengthen your frame. You will become like a well- watered garden. Like a spring whose waters never fail." 

This was God's promise to me. It was as if it jumped off the page as I read it and pierced me in the heart. God was calling me to Uganda. God was going to restore my health in Uganda. He was going to satisfy all my needs and strengthen my frame….IF I chose to be obedient to him and spend my life among the poor and the hungry. Now it was my turn to decide. Would I be obedient or would I just continue in my comfortable and somewhat easy life? It was a battle. It was scary. It was unsettling. It was exciting. It was crazy. But ultimately I had peace knowing that God had given me absolutely clear direction to follow him to a sun- scorched land and to spend my time with the poor. My heart was already there. I left it in Uganda. Now it was just making the decision to pack up and go: leave my family and take up my cross and follow the one who was calling me. 

I don't know if I am just speaking for myself, but often I doubt what God has shown me or if it is truly going to happen. I get into a place of complacency and think God will just use me in the life I am already living. When in fact that is not the case. God actually has something so much bigger and greater and if I just stopped doubting and started trusting and believing he would be able to accomplish those plans in my life. That is what happened when he revealed his plan for me to move to Uganda. I started to doubt. I became so sick and thought "how can I, a person with CF possibly live in Uganda?" Then I got a well paying job. I was beginning to desensitize to the things I had experienced in Uganda and becoming comfortable in my normal life once again. This was when I started asking God to show me in wild and sometimes simple ways that he was true to his word and I could trust him and he was really calling me to do this. 

Indeed God does answer our prayers. Even our selfish and silly prayers. He began giving me prophetic dreams of a ministry to come in Uganda. He started using other people to speak things into my life that were promises and scriptures to encourage me. I remember one day just asking God to show me if it was specifically Uganda that I was supposed to go to and while I was watching a show on TV called Undercover Boss there was a man who was an employee of a company who dreamed to one day start an orphanage in Uganda. Of all shows to watch on TV. And of all days and times to be watching TV I happened to land on a show that God knew would be an answer to my prayer for that day. Yes indeed I knew it was Uganda. Another day I received my change at the store and the one dollar bill had written on it, "God help the poor!" I still carry that dollar bill in my journal as a reminder that God is going to use me to be his hands and feet to help the poor. 

I wish I had enough time to tell all of the stories that the Lord used to confirm for me that his plan was to move to Uganda, but I am afraid that it would fill up far too much space and take way too much of your time to read. But I will tell you that God is so faithful and he does promise to never leave us or forsake us. And we can trust him and hold on to his promises. He is so good and his word is true. It is alive and his Holy Spirit is always ready to minister to us right when we need it most. 

A few months later in January I had the opportunity and privilege to return to Uganda. My second trip was quite different however. I was on a mission to find the place the Lord had for me to stay long term. I took along with me my parents, and our pastor and a sweet couple from church who all have a huge heart for missions. We spent many days with several different ministries and visited with so many people. But at the end of the trip we were still uncertain exactly where God would have me go and serve. We returned home with a lot more knowledge and a lot of ideas, but no vision or clear direction from the Lord as to what was next. 

I returned to my job and found myself not happy at all. I would lay in bed during the day and just long to be in Uganda. My heart was seriously there at this point. I would close my eyes and images of precious children would flash before me. Children with no one to love them or console them or raise them to be men and women of God were on my heart all the time to pray for. My heart ached for them. I knew that many are called and few choose to follow. I knew that God was calling me. He was heavying the burden on my heart for those sweet kids and I could not ignore it. It was time to do something. 

I toyed with the idea of joining a mission agency and going for schooling or training. I prayed about it and looked into many. But God really impressed on my heart that the harvest is NOW. Three months, three years, or three decades from now it might be too late. And to be totally honest with my disease I don't know how much time I have. Each day is a gift and no one knows the number of their days. I could live for twenty years, or I could live for two. I want to cherish each day and make each day count for the kingdom of God. 

Soon after the Lord really started to impress June on my heart. Specifically June 6th. I was sure that something was going to take place on that day. I started casually looking at tickets to leave for Africa on that day and the prices were not good. I was praying that an organization would offer for me to come and work with them and none did. 

On March 20th, 2013 I got online to look at tickets. The prices were good. Really good. The dates were what the Lord had been showing me. June 6th appeared to be the day to leave. And so I purchased the flight. Not knowing where I would stay or what I would be doing I purchased the ticket. God said to go and he would provide and so I was going. Within 12 hours of purchasing the ticket I received an email from the administrator of a baby home that I was very interested in working at. She said I was more than welcome to come and intern with them and they were excited for me to come whenever was convenient for me. 

God was waiting for me to take that initial step of faith. He wanted me to trust him and purchase the ticket, proving to him that I was all in. I was ready. I was saying "yes let's do this!" After the ticket was in my hand everything started to fall into place. I resigned from my job. I started fund raising and God totally provided the way. My CF specialists were on board with my decision and helped me be proactive and get everything around and in order to go. It was literally the hand of God at work. Looking back at the past year I am blown away at what the Lord has done in my life and I am so excited to see what he has in store. 

With all of this said. I am now in Uganda. I arrived on June 6th. My mom, my sister, and 15 year old niece accompanied me to Kampala. We all served together at a few ministries and had the most wonderful time where we truly got to be the hands and feet of Jesus. I'll go into detail about a few of the stories in another post because this one is already far too long. 

I will be staying in Uganda for six months. I see this as being my vision period. This is the time that I am hoping and praying God will reveal his long term will to me. I don't know if I will only be here for the six months or if God will call me to live here permanently. I am praying that he clearly shows me that while I am here. I am also praying that he uses my skills for his glory. I want to be his tool. I want him to get the glory from my life. I don't want to take any credit for what is happening . None of this could have occurred without the Lord leading and guiding my steps. One year ago I never imagined I would go to Uganda. Now one year later I am living here. It's incredible what God can do when you surrender your will to his will and let him make the calls for your life. I have never been happier or at more peace. God is so good and he is so faithful. Thank you for all of your prayers and all of your encouragement thus far. Please keep it coming. At times I can sincerely sense the prayers being lifted up for me. I ask that you pray for discernment, good health, safety, people I can trust and confide in, and that this would be a time that I meet with Jesus in a whole new and amazing way. I just want to be his vessel. I want him to use me to reach the poor and those in need. I want to be his hands to show a child how much they are loved and cherished. I am looking forward to sharing this journey with you and I am so thankful that I have you all supporting me in prayer and in encouragement! 

I Will Never Forget...

 

Claire

 

I will never forget...

Your beautiful, big brown eyes,

Your huge, joyful smile,

Your little giggle when I tickled you,

Your tiny, gentle hands grasping my face,

Your tender heart and sensitive spirit,

Your precious little voice calling me "momma,"

Your graceful fingers twirling my hair,

Your mouth opening ever so wide for another bite of food,

You burrowing your head in my neck when I sang to you and prayed over you,

Your bow-legged stagger when you walked into the potty room,

Your tiny toes that looked so sweet below your mismatched clothes.

I will never forget you baby girl!

You will always be in my heart and in my prayers!!

Momma loves you <3
 

"How could I forget Your face
When all it took was just one day
For me to see it wasn't ordinary
I could never be the same"

 

"You took my hand and led the way
I didn't even know Your name
But something happened deep inside me
And I knew life would have to change"

"You healed the sick, You calmed the sea
But Your heart was for the least of these
You came to love the lost and broken
Your cross has set the captive free"

 

"So how could I go back to life as usual
And how could I return to who I once was
I just want to take your story to the world
'Cause you have shown me what it means to love"

 

"Now I no longer live for myself
Your words are so clear
Help me live it loud enough so they can hear"
 

I never expected to fall in love with one child the way I did with Claire! It was literally love at first sight. Her sweet personality lit up her face and she overflowed with joy.

 

The first night we were in Kampala we went to visit the baby home where she was. I walked in not knowing that my heart was about to be ripped out of my chest. I walked in not knowing that my life was about to change forever.

 

All lined up on a bench against the wall were these five precious little toddlers. They were anxiously waiting to be fed. Some were screaming. Some were crying. Some were wiggling and throwing a fit. And then there was Claire. Sitting directly in the center of them all was this angel of a child. She was quiet as could be and content to just wait for her food.

 

Minutes of observing this went by when I was handed a bowl of piping hot potatoes and beans. I asked which child I was to feed and the momma of the orphanage instructed me, "That is for all of them!" In my head, being the germaphobe that I am, I thought, "One bowl, one spoon to feed all of these babies? Oh my!!!"

 

But I didn't waste any time. I got right to work. One would think feeding five hungry toddlers at a time wouldn't be too hard. Let me tell you, it is not easy. They have expectations. They expect to have one mouthful after the next. Let's just say that I was not fast enough. I would go down the row and give each one a bite and by the time I got to the end of the bench, the ones at the opposite end were screaming and ready for more food.

 

However, despite all the chaos and uproar of those around her, little Miss Claire sat and patiently waited for her next mouthful. She did it with such grace. Like a baby bird waiting for it's mother to find a worm and put it in it's mouth, Claire waited so contently with her mouth WIDE OPEN. She would only close it long enough to chew a mouthful, and then it would be wide open again until I gave her another bite. I couldn't help but laugh. She was too cute!!

 

This was my first encounter with the sweet little thing. From there on out we were inseparable for the next two weeks. Each morning and each night we would spend a couple hours at the baby home feeding the kids, playing with the kids, getting them ready for school, changing them, dressing them, and putting them to bed.

I loved wrapping her up tight in her cozy jammies and cuddling her until she fell asleep in my arms. It was only a matter of a couple days before she started calling me momma. Needless to say she stole my heart.

Each night before I laid her down in bed I would pray the same pray over her..."Jesus thank you for bringing Claire into my life. Thank you for giving me the privilege to love her. Please protect her from the enemy and send her a forever family to love her and care for her. And Jesus if it's your will I pray that you would give her to me! I pray that she would be mine and that I could be her momma and love her forever. But whatever your will is, I pray that she would grow up to love you and to serve you with all her heart! Amen"

One morning before going down to see her I was reading my daily devotions on the balcony, over looking the city, outside our room. The passage that really stuck out to me was one I had heard over and over in church services, on the radio, and in bible studies, but it never quite affected me the way it did this day.

John 21:15-17 "Jesus said to Simon Peter, 'Simon son of John, do you truly love me more than these?'
'Yes Lord,' he said, 'you know that I love you.'
Jesus said, 'Feed my lambs!'
Again Jesus said, 'Simon, son of John, do you truly love me?'
He answered, 'Yes Lord, you know that I love you!'
Jesus said, 'Take care of my sheep!"

 This time I read it, it was as if God was saying directly to me, "Alicia! Do you love me? Alicia, my daughter, do you love me more than these? Alicia, feed MY lambs! Take care of MY sheep!"

When we arrived at the orphanage that morning I met eyes with tiny little Claire and immediately the tears started flowing. God had used this little girl to show me so much. He used her to show me what true love is. He used her to break my heart for what breaks his. He used her to inspire me to do more for the orphans of the world. He used her to show me more of him. He used her to show me his love.

Claire was God's tool to truly grab ahold of my heart. He used her precious little soul to give me a burden for the lost and fatherless.

Matthew 25:40 "I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me."

My prayer is that the rest of my life I would carry this burden in my heart. I pray that my life would be a vessel for the Lord to use. I pray that he would work through me and speak through me to reach the hearts and lives of people who have never experienced real love before.

Claire has now left the orphanage to go and be with a foster family who will love her and care for her. My heart broke when I first found out. I was crushed thinking about never seeing her again. But the Lord comforted me. He reminded me that no matter if I ever saw her again, she would be his and she would be in the palm of his hand. I prayed great prayers over her and her life and I don't intend to stop any time soon. She is his precious baby girl and he will show her more love than I ever could.

Every day I thank God for her. Every day I thank God for allowing me to meet her and spend two amazing weeks loving on her.  I thank God that he first loved us and showed his unconditional love by dying on the cross so that someday we will go and spend eternity with him. He adopted us into his family. He chose us to be his children and to follow him and serve him. Many are called, but few choose to listen and follow after Christ. I thank God that he gave me an ear to hear and finally a willing heart to follow him where ever he leads me.

Luke 12:48 "From everyone who has been given much, much will be demanded; and from everyone who has been entrusted with much, much more will be asked."

The Lord has blessed me with so much. With that privilege comes responsibility. I am called to care for the poor and the needy. I am called to look after the orphans and the widows. I have been entrusted with the gift of salvation and the love of Jesus Christ and he asks that I go and share that with the world. He asks that I let my light shine among the darkness. He asks that I humble myself and let him use me in whatever way he sees fit.

How could I say no? How could I forget the faces of the children in Uganda? How would I return to my life in the states and be unchanged? How could I forget little Claire? How could I forget the price Jesus paid on the cross for me?

I will never forget! And I hope you never forget too! Jesus paid it all for you and for me. Now it's our turn to go and tell the world!  There are more Claires. There are more precious babies who have no one to love them. They have never experienced the love of a mother or father. They don't know that they are precious or have purpose. How could I refuse to be one that God uses to reveal this to them? How could I refuse to show them how much they are loved? I can't refuse!

My eyes have now seen what occurs in third world countries. I used to be naive. But now I am fully aware of how people are living. I know that thousands are dying of starvation and HIV/ AIDS while I write this very blog post. I can't forget that! I choose not to forget!

Thank you Jesus for the price you paid! Thank you for your never failing love! Thank you that you don't forget us!



Do You Trust Me?

Do you trust me?

 

A question that the Lord asked me almost constantly the entire time I was planning my trip to Uganda and while I was there.

 

What is trust?

 

According to Merriam Webster, trust is, "assured reliance on the character, ability, strength, or truth of someone or something; one in which confidence is placed; dependence on something future or contingent : hope"

 

Trust is what I had to learn to do when I went to Uganda. Trust in the Lord was all I had to get me through every day. I didn't have my family. I didn't have my friends. I didn't have the comfort of my own home. I didn't have my doctor at a convenient phone call away. I was on my own and forced to solely and completely depend on God.   

 

As I walked through the maze of security at the Rochester airport I looked back to wave good-bye to my parents. I can still see the looks on their faces. This was the first time they had let me go off on my own. This was the first time I had ever been away from them for a long period, by myself. I teared up as I looked at them. I didn't know what was ahead of me. I didn't know what God had in store. I just knew at that moment that I was thankful for the family God had given me. I was thankful for their support and encouragement to go to Uganda. And I knew I was going to miss them.

 

God knew! God knew that he needed to take me out of my comfort zone. He needed to pull me away from my family and everything that I held dear to me. He needed me to be vulnerable. He knew before he created me that he would send me to Uganda and that our relationship would become strong and I would learn to depend on him.

 

I met up with a couple in Raleigh, North Carolina who would become like my second set of parents. I was apprehensive to fly overseas by myself and decided it best to meet up with some of the team before setting out over the ocean. As we connected and got to know one another on the plane, I quickly realized that their story was different from mine. God had been showing them for over a year that he was calling them to Uganda and they would be adopting a little one. I on the other hand was still very uncertain why God was sending me. He hadn't given me any visions or clear direction of what he had for me there, he just simply instructed me to go! And so I was going!

 

We met up with the rest of the team in London. What an incredible team it was. The Lord had hand selected a group of passionate, god -fearing men and woman to work together to reach the orphans. I was inspired and in awe when I met them. We gathered together in a group, all wearing our lime green team T-shirts which quoted Isaiah 6:8-9, and prayed. Right in the middle of the airport we prayed. What a testimony to others who saw. Some probably thought we were crazy I am sure. But others perhaps may have been inspired to live their faith out loud. It was at that moment that I realized what this life is about. This life is not about what people think of you. It is all about what God thinks of you and what you are doing to share his love and gift of salvation with others.

 

Growing up I can remember at times being ashamed when my family would go out to eat in restaurants and we would all bow our heads and pray.  During my teen years I was extremely embarrassed to the point of keeping my eyes open and not participating in prayer. I cocked an attitude and cared more about what other people thought than what my God thought.

 

But not this day. This day I was excited to pray. I was eager to let other people see me praying in public. I wanted my life to be a living, breathing testimony of who God is and what he does!

 

 Words can not describe the feelings and emotions that overcame me when I stepped foot on Ugandan soil. My journal from June 5th reads, "Uganda has taken my breath away!"

Not only was the terrain gorgeous, but the people were absolutely stunning. Their huge pearly white smiles against their ebony skin melted my heart. Everyone was so friendly and welcoming. I felt right at home even though I was thousands of miles away from my family and actual home.

As wonderful as everything seemed at first, I quickly discovered that the air quality was not conducive to breathing for healthy lungs, let alone CF lungs. The air was smokey and full of exhaust. You could almost taste it it was so thick. Typically I try to avoid such environments, but this was inevitable. I was going to be saturated in it for two weeks.

Before going into the trip the Lord showed me that I was going to be fasting. I am ashamed to say that I had never fasted during the entire time I had been saved. This was mainly because I never had a sincere heart to serve the Lord and truly seek his will for my life through fasting and prayer.

I thought it was a crazy idea. At first when I felt the Lord pressing on my heart to fast while in Africa I thought, "Are you out of your mind? How in the heck are you going to endure working in the heat, building projects, and chasing after children if you aren't eating?"

 

Since I was a baby I have had a strict regimen of medications that I take in order to maintain my health. Some meds I take orally and others I take via an inhaled nebulizer. The nebulizer runs off  electricity, like most machines do. Before I left the states I thought I had purchased and packed the proper equipment for electrical conversion. However, this was not the case. I never in a million years considered the electric being an issue. It is something that I had always taken for granted.

That first night my roommate and I went to our room and were getting settled in when I decided it would be a good time to do a treatment. I could feel the heaviness in my lungs and knew I was due for some intense coughing. We searched our room and found an outlet by the window. I remember warning Emma, "I am so sorry! I am going to cough a lot and it will probably be gross!" No sooner had I finishing saying it when I pressed the 'on' button and there was no sound what so ever. There was no air blowing out the tubing. There was no humming of the motor. It was not functioning. My first instinct was to unplug it and try a different converter set. So we did that. Again! Nothing! Finally we got this grand idea to pray over it. I mean, we pray over people when they aren't functioning properly, maybe it will work over an inanimate object too, ha ha!! That also did not work!

 Emma and I raced out of our room and got her dad, the leader of our team, and he hurried to our room to help us fix the situation. Like most men his age with children, Dwight's fatherly instinct kicked in fast and he was on a mission to get my nebulizer working so I didn't die under his watch! He recruited other men from our team who might have an electrical mind. Nobody knew what was wrong with it, but we concluded that we probably fried it when we plugged it in the first time. Pretty dumb! I know!

But remember how I said God had shown me I was going to be fasting on this trip? Well he quickly revealed to me that this was not going to be a time of fasting from food. It was going to be a medical fast. It was going to be a time of total dependence on him and not on anything of this world.

That night as I was digging through my suitcase I found an index card. Written on it was:

 Isaiah 58:1-9 "Shout it aloud, do not hold back. Raise your voice like a trumpet. Declare to my people their rebellion and to the house of Jacob their sins. For the day after they seek me out; they seem eager to know my ways, as if they were a nation that does what is right and has not forsaken the commands of its God. They ask me for just decisions and seem eager for God to come near them. Why have we fasted, they say, and you have not seen it? Why have we humbled ourselves and you have not noticed? Yet on the day of your feasting you do as you please and exploit all your workers.Your fasting ends in quarreling and strife, and in striking each other with wicked fists. You cannot fast as you do today and expect your voice to be heard on high. Is this the kind of fasting I have chosen, only a day for a man to humble himself? Is it only for bowing one's head like a reed and for lying on sackcloth and ashes? Is that what you call a fast, a day acceptable to the Lord? Is not this the kind of fasting I have chosen: to loose the chains of injustice and untie the cords of the yoke, to set the oppressed free and break every yoke? Is it not to share your food with the hungry and to provide the poor wanderer with shelter- when you see the naked to clothe him, and not to turn away from your own flesh and blood? Then your light will break forth like the dawn and your healing will quickly appear; then your righteousness will go before you, and the glory of the Lord will be your rear guard. Then you will call and the Lord will answer; you will cry for help and he will say: HERE AM I."

Someone had felt led to place that note card in my donation collection box at church before I left for Uganda. When my mom and I were packing my suitcases she placed it inside my suitcase. How crazy is it to think that God knew I would be in a situation where I would be fasting from my medications and need a promise from him that he had it under control. I found that index card in my suitcase at just the perfect timing. I was amazed at how God orchestrated that and I clung to his promise to me. When I cried to him he did answer me and he did help me in my time of need.

I thought I could not live without my medications. I thought that I had to have them in order to be healthy and strong. However, now I realize that that was a sense false security. That is putting my trust in things of this world that will someday fade away. God wanted me to put my trust in him and to realize that he is the creator and sustainer of life. Man-made medications are not. Although I truly believe that God has blessed my life with the medical advancements I have been able to benefit from, I also believe that with him all things are possible. With him I was able to go two full weeks without any of my inhaled drugs and I was healthy. I was strong. And I was able to be his hands and feet.

God truly asked me to trust him during my time in Uganda. Initially I panicked, until I found that scripture in my luggage. I vividly remember the facebook message my mom sent me when she heard I was without my medications:

"Alicia, I love you so, miss you much but so blessed that you are there and a part of the amazing work the Lord is doing through this ministry. I have sought the Lord for you this morning and the only thing that kept coming to me was Proverbs 3:5&6 so I finally opened up to that passage....as I read on verses 7..8..9.....your health IS, ALWAYS HAS BEEN AND ALWAYS WILL BE....IN HIS HAND!!!!! He is taking care of you and will cover it all. Do all that you have available to do......airway clearance......a lot of it.....take meds that you know have been of help in the past and I'll pray pray pray. He is at work and He has a GREAT BIG PLAN for you. TRUST.....TRUST .....TRUST.....I love you :)"

Spoken like a true momma!! I was able to rest in that. I had an overwhelming peace about being without my meds. And the whenever I started to doubt my ability to keep pressing on with the trip I meditated on the scripture in Proverbs 3:5&6

"TRUST IN THE LORD WITH ALL YOUR HEART and lean not on your own understanding, in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight."

 

I knew that no matter what God was in control of my health. He had called me to Uganda and he had a purpose for me to fulfill while I was there. I was in the palm of his hand and with or without my medications his will would be done.

 

God used going to Uganda to change my life. He used it to really strengthen my relationship with him. After all, can two have a relationship without trust? Not really! I learned to trust and love the Lord in a whole new way. He became real to me. Every day I desire to know him more closely and to experience his love and companionship. I encourage you to discover his love and learn to trust him. It doesn't mean you have to fly across the world to do so. It just means you can rely on him in your everyday life to guide you and help you and encourage you along the way.  

 

So the wildest part of the whole trip was that I was the only one with a terminal illness on our team (at least that I know of.) And out of everyone who went, I was the only person who did not get sick in one way or another. Tell me that was not the hand of God! He is true to his word and his promises are sure and amen. God protected me and strengthened me for his purposes and I did learn to trust him through it all. I am so thankful he chose me and I am so blessed to be able to share it with you (:  

 

The Road Less Traveled

"Two roads diverged in a wood, and I…
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference." ~Robert Frost

It may sound corny or even cliche, but at some point in each of our lives we all come to this point. We may experience it just once, or it may be a frequent occurrence. For Christians I believe it is a daily choice we must make, to choose the road less traveled. It is a daily sacrifice to choose God over self.

I know during my senior year of high school this was a topic that frequently occupied my mind. What was my next chapter in life? Where was I going to go to college? What did I want to be? What was I going to do with the rest of my life? By the spring of 2009 I had decided that I forever wanted to be a nurse. I chose to go to a small community college where I would be able to get my degree in a short period of time and for a fraction of the cost. My experiences as a child in the hospital gave me a passion to help people who were sick.

The season of nursing school is one that I would never like to repeat. It was probably the most difficult thing I have ever done in my life. Nights without sleep led to weeks of being sick and being hospitalized. Being hospitalized led to missing classes and clinical. Missing classes led to making up assignments, clinical and tests, which in turn led to more sleepless nights....You're beginning to see the cycle?? It was a struggle to maintain my health during those three years. I was sick more often than not. I can remember one of my instructors pulling me aside after class one day,
"Alicia, I notice that you look extremely tired and your cough has gotten progressively worse. Are you sure that nursing is the right career for you? Have you considered other options?"
I was furious that she doubted me. I was even more furious that maybe, just maybe she was right...perhaps nursing was not the best choice for me. After all, having cystic fibrosis did put me at risk for being more susceptible to lung infections and the nasty bugs that float around hospitals. I began to believe it. I began to let other peoples' discouraging words and opinions deter me from pressing on.

I stopped trying! Just weeks before graduation I stopped wanting to succeed. Pretty stupid right! I stopped studying and came to terms with the fact that I was not cut out to be a nurse. The last exam before my final I received a 68. A whopping 68. Passing at my nursing school was 75. This was the worst mark I had ever gotten and it was a huge slap in the face. I laid in bed that night tossing and turning, thinking,
 "Alicia! What are you doing? Do you seriously want to fail? Do you think God would have brought you through almost three years of schooling to fail the last few weeks?"
It was at that low moment when God prompted me to grab my bible. I opened it up to Proverbs and he had a promise for me.

Proverbs 16:3 "Commit to the Lord whatever you do, and your plans will succeed."

That was exactly what I needed! Why was I in nursing school? Was it to glorify myself or was it to glorify God and share His gift of love and salvation with others? My perspective was totally off. I was focusing all on myself and not on the bigger picture. The bigger picture where God wanted to use my life. If I was going to succeed I needed to fully commit my schooling to the lord. So i did!

Long story short I graduated from nursing school on May 20th, 2012 (:

Nursing Graduation with some of my family!

Me with my best friend Christina (:

My dear friend, mentor and clinical instructor!

 Meanwhile, during those last few weeks of nursing school I began praying a serious prayer. Everyday I prayed that God would use my life. I prayed that He would make something beautiful out of the mess I was. I prayed that He would give me clear direction as to what I should do after I graduate. I prayed He would use the knowledge and the skills I developed in nursing school for His glory and honor.

Like most graduate nurses I was excited to begin working a real job making good money. Perhaps I would be able to move out of my parents house and get a new car, cause everyone knows how horrible my car is ha ha!! Although these were realistic dreams and hopes, they were not God's plans for me.

During those last few weeks of nursing school I was working part time at a local ice cream parlor. I had been working there since the summer after highshool graduation. It had become a routine job. I worked the same hours every week. I did the same thing every day, dipped chocolates, made lunches, scooped ice cream and had a good time with my customers. Then one day in April a man and his daughter came in. They were not from around here. You could just tell by their demeanor. The man was peppy and bald (sorry Dwight) and his daughter was stunningly beautiful. After serving them their ice cream I could immediately tell that there was something different about them. I felt united with them and I hardly knew who they were.

I certainly was united with them...it was unity in Christ. They were fellow believers from Arizona. Unfortunately the circumstances they were in New York were not ideal, as Dwight's mom had passed away and they were home for the funeral. However, God works all things out for the good for those who love and serve Him. While talking with them I discovered that they had started a mission to Uganda, called International Voice of the Orphan. They told me how their heart's broke for the orphans of the world and they felt it was their call to be advocates and speak on behalf of those who have no voice. This seriously moved me!!! I was intrigued. I was inspired. I was in awe of what one family was doing to change the world.

I went home that night and prayed! I said,
"God! Why did you have those nice people come in to work today? Why did their story touch my heart so much? Do you want me to pursue this? Please show me!"
They had given me their organization's card before we parted ways at the ice cream shop. So I called them and asked if we could meet again before they needed to head home. Oddly enough they seemed interested in meeting with me again and so we did. They told me they had a short term missions trip coming up in June. It was only a few weeks away, but if I was interested in going they would extend the deadlines for me. WOW!! 6 weeks was all I had. 6 weeks to raise enough money to go to Africa!! Was I out of my mind. I recall Emma saying,
"Don't stress over the funds. If God wants you to go, He WILL provide the funds!"

Was I really going to go to Africa? Could I manage my health in Africa? I had been sick so much during nursing school I surely had my doubts of if I would be healthy enough to go to a third world country. I asked my parents what their opinions were. They both agreed that if God was calling me to go they were not going to stand in the way of His leading, but my health was definitely a concern.

As I do every night, I laid in bed that night seeking God's guidance and direction. I prayed out loud,
"God if you want me to go to Uganda I need you to give me a clear scripture to stand on. I need it to drop in my lap because I have no idea if this is of you or if this is just me being ambitious."
Within seconds, literally, a little piece of folded up paper dropped out of my bible onto the quilt my grandma made me. Written on the paper were some scribbled chemistry notes and a scripture...Luke 9:1-6.
I chuckled to myself and thought,
"No way! That would just be too weird! I don't know exactly what this scripture is, but it can't be relevant to me going to Uganda."

Luke 9:1-6 reads, "When Jesus had called the Twelve together, he gave them power and authority to drive out demons and to cure diseases, and he sent them out to preach the kingdom of God and to heal the sick. He told them: 'Take nothing for the journey-no staff, no bag, no money, no extra tunic. Whatever house you enter, stay there until you leave that town. If people do not welcome you, shake the dust of your feet when you leave their town, as a testimony against them.' So they set out and went from village to village, preaching the gospel and healing people everywhere."

Was it ever relevant!! It was crystal clear that I was to go and I was to preach the gospel and heal the sick. God spoke so clearly to me that night I was in complete shock. I got up and I paced around my room wondering what it would be like, wondering how I was going to raise the funds to go, wondering if I would be healthy while I was there. So many thoughts and questions flooded my mind.

That piece of paper that dropped out of my bible and on to my bed was from my first semester of college. A dear friend had thought of me one morning while she was doing her personal devotions and gave it to me. At the time I received it, I was still living for myself and didn't know how it applied to my life, but God knew! God had it perfectly planned out. He knew that I would put that piece of paper in my bible and two years later He would use it to confirm for me to follow Him to Uganda! How crazy is that! Our God is pretty amazing! I would not call that a coincidence by any means.

I won't deny that I did have my series of doubts. People asked me if I was seriously going to jeopardize failing my Nursing Licensing exam by going to Uganda before I took it. Other people questioned if my health would hold up. Others just thought I was plain crazy...one woman said to me,
"You do know the LRA is in Uganda, right? They are brutal."
I said to her,
"Yupp I know that they are in and out of Uganda, but my God is constantly in Uganda. He is everywhere and he will protect me and fulfil the call He has placed on my life. And if He chooses to take my life while I am there, I wouldn't have it any other way because I know I will be in the center of his will."

In the midst of the doubtful moments God gave me moments of peace and clarity. Moments when His voice spoke louder than any human voice. The Sunday before I boarded the plane to leave for Uganda my pastor spoke on having faith in God and believing that what he calls you to do he will equip you for. It hit home with me for sure. One of his closing scriptures was:

Isaiah 6:8&9 Then I heard the voice of the Lord saying, 'Whom shall I send? And who will go for us?' And I said, 'Here am I Lord, Send ME.'"

That scripture could not have been given to me at a more perfect time. That sermon could not have been preached at a more perfect time. God knew the doubts I had in my heart and he removed those doubts with His voice of truth. I was ready and I was willing! I was the one that the Lord was sending. It was me that He had chosen this time to GO and preach His gospel and His love to the nations.

It was that leap of faith! The initial step that God was waiting for me to take to reveal His good and perfect plan to me.

What happened next is too much to fit into this post so it will be coming at a later date...(: