Do you trust me?
A question that the Lord asked me almost constantly the entire time I was planning my trip to Uganda and while I was there.
What is trust?
According to Merriam Webster, trust is, "assured reliance on the character, ability, strength, or truth of someone or something; one in which confidence is placed; dependence on something future or contingent : hope"
Trust is what I had to learn to do when I went to Uganda. Trust in the Lord was all I had to get me through every day. I didn't have my family. I didn't have my friends. I didn't have the comfort of my own home. I didn't have my doctor at a convenient phone call away. I was on my own and forced to solely and completely depend on God.
As I walked through the maze of security at the Rochester airport I looked back to wave good-bye to my parents. I can still see the looks on their faces. This was the first time they had let me go off on my own. This was the first time I had ever been away from them for a long period, by myself. I teared up as I looked at them. I didn't know what was ahead of me. I didn't know what God had in store. I just knew at that moment that I was thankful for the family God had given me. I was thankful for their support and encouragement to go to Uganda. And I knew I was going to miss them.
God knew! God knew that he needed to take me out of my comfort zone. He needed to pull me away from my family and everything that I held dear to me. He needed me to be vulnerable. He knew before he created me that he would send me to Uganda and that our relationship would become strong and I would learn to depend on him.
I met up with a couple in Raleigh, North Carolina who would become like my second set of parents. I was apprehensive to fly overseas by myself and decided it best to meet up with some of the team before setting out over the ocean. As we connected and got to know one another on the plane, I quickly realized that their story was different from mine. God had been showing them for over a year that he was calling them to Uganda and they would be adopting a little one. I on the other hand was still very uncertain why God was sending me. He hadn't given me any visions or clear direction of what he had for me there, he just simply instructed me to go! And so I was going!
We met up with the rest of the team in London. What an incredible team it was. The Lord had hand selected a group of passionate, god -fearing men and woman to work together to reach the orphans. I was inspired and in awe when I met them. We gathered together in a group, all wearing our lime green team T-shirts which quoted Isaiah 6:8-9, and prayed. Right in the middle of the airport we prayed. What a testimony to others who saw. Some probably thought we were crazy I am sure. But others perhaps may have been inspired to live their faith out loud. It was at that moment that I realized what this life is about. This life is not about what people think of you. It is all about what God thinks of you and what you are doing to share his love and gift of salvation with others.
Growing up I can remember at times being ashamed when my family would go out to eat in restaurants and we would all bow our heads and pray. During my teen years I was extremely embarrassed to the point of keeping my eyes open and not participating in prayer. I cocked an attitude and cared more about what other people thought than what my God thought.
But not this day. This day I was excited to pray. I was eager to let other people see me praying in public. I wanted my life to be a living, breathing testimony of who God is and what he does!
Words can not describe the feelings and emotions that overcame me when I stepped foot on Ugandan soil. My journal from June 5th reads, "Uganda has taken my breath away!"
Not only was the terrain gorgeous, but the people were absolutely stunning. Their huge pearly white smiles against their ebony skin melted my heart. Everyone was so friendly and welcoming. I felt right at home even though I was thousands of miles away from my family and actual home.
As wonderful as everything seemed at first, I quickly discovered that the air quality was not conducive to breathing for healthy lungs, let alone CF lungs. The air was smokey and full of exhaust. You could almost taste it it was so thick. Typically I try to avoid such environments, but this was inevitable. I was going to be saturated in it for two weeks.
Before going into the trip the Lord showed me that I was going to be fasting. I am ashamed to say that I had never fasted during the entire time I had been saved. This was mainly because I never had a sincere heart to serve the Lord and truly seek his will for my life through fasting and prayer.
I thought it was a crazy idea. At first when I felt the Lord pressing on my heart to fast while in Africa I thought, "Are you out of your mind? How in the heck are you going to endure working in the heat, building projects, and chasing after children if you aren't eating?"
Since I was a baby I have had a strict regimen of medications that I take in order to maintain my health. Some meds I take orally and others I take via an inhaled nebulizer. The nebulizer runs off electricity, like most machines do. Before I left the states I thought I had purchased and packed the proper equipment for electrical conversion. However, this was not the case. I never in a million years considered the electric being an issue. It is something that I had always taken for granted.
That first night my roommate and I went to our room and were getting settled in when I decided it would be a good time to do a treatment. I could feel the heaviness in my lungs and knew I was due for some intense coughing. We searched our room and found an outlet by the window. I remember warning Emma, "I am so sorry! I am going to cough a lot and it will probably be gross!" No sooner had I finishing saying it when I pressed the 'on' button and there was no sound what so ever. There was no air blowing out the tubing. There was no humming of the motor. It was not functioning. My first instinct was to unplug it and try a different converter set. So we did that. Again! Nothing! Finally we got this grand idea to pray over it. I mean, we pray over people when they aren't functioning properly, maybe it will work over an inanimate object too, ha ha!! That also did not work!
Emma and I raced out of our room and got her dad, the leader of our team, and he hurried to our room to help us fix the situation. Like most men his age with children, Dwight's fatherly instinct kicked in fast and he was on a mission to get my nebulizer working so I didn't die under his watch! He recruited other men from our team who might have an electrical mind. Nobody knew what was wrong with it, but we concluded that we probably fried it when we plugged it in the first time. Pretty dumb! I know!
But remember how I said God had shown me I was going to be fasting on this trip? Well he quickly revealed to me that this was not going to be a time of fasting from food. It was going to be a medical fast. It was going to be a time of total dependence on him and not on anything of this world.
That night as I was digging through my suitcase I found an index card. Written on it was:
Isaiah 58:1-9 "Shout it aloud, do not hold back. Raise your voice like a trumpet. Declare to my people their rebellion and to the house of Jacob their sins. For the day after they seek me out; they seem eager to know my ways, as if they were a nation that does what is right and has not forsaken the commands of its God. They ask me for just decisions and seem eager for God to come near them. Why have we fasted, they say, and you have not seen it? Why have we humbled ourselves and you have not noticed? Yet on the day of your feasting you do as you please and exploit all your workers.Your fasting ends in quarreling and strife, and in striking each other with wicked fists. You cannot fast as you do today and expect your voice to be heard on high. Is this the kind of fasting I have chosen, only a day for a man to humble himself? Is it only for bowing one's head like a reed and for lying on sackcloth and ashes? Is that what you call a fast, a day acceptable to the Lord? Is not this the kind of fasting I have chosen: to loose the chains of injustice and untie the cords of the yoke, to set the oppressed free and break every yoke? Is it not to share your food with the hungry and to provide the poor wanderer with shelter- when you see the naked to clothe him, and not to turn away from your own flesh and blood? Then your light will break forth like the dawn and your healing will quickly appear; then your righteousness will go before you, and the glory of the Lord will be your rear guard. Then you will call and the Lord will answer; you will cry for help and he will say: HERE AM I."
Someone had felt led to place that note card in my donation collection box at church before I left for Uganda. When my mom and I were packing my suitcases she placed it inside my suitcase. How crazy is it to think that God knew I would be in a situation where I would be fasting from my medications and need a promise from him that he had it under control. I found that index card in my suitcase at just the perfect timing. I was amazed at how God orchestrated that and I clung to his promise to me. When I cried to him he did answer me and he did help me in my time of need.
I thought I could not live without my medications. I thought that I had to have them in order to be healthy and strong. However, now I realize that that was a sense false security. That is putting my trust in things of this world that will someday fade away. God wanted me to put my trust in him and to realize that he is the creator and sustainer of life. Man-made medications are not. Although I truly believe that God has blessed my life with the medical advancements I have been able to benefit from, I also believe that with him all things are possible. With him I was able to go two full weeks without any of my inhaled drugs and I was healthy. I was strong. And I was able to be his hands and feet.
God truly asked me to trust him during my time in Uganda. Initially I panicked, until I found that scripture in my luggage. I vividly remember the facebook message my mom sent me when she heard I was without my medications:
"Alicia, I love you so, miss you much but so blessed that you are there and a part of the amazing work the Lord is doing through this ministry. I have sought the Lord for you this morning and the only thing that kept coming to me was Proverbs 3:5&6 so I finally opened up to that passage....as I read on verses 7..8..9.....your health IS, ALWAYS HAS BEEN AND ALWAYS WILL BE....IN HIS HAND!!!!! He is taking care of you and will cover it all. Do all that you have available to do......airway clearance......a lot of it.....take meds that you know have been of help in the past and I'll pray pray pray. He is at work and He has a GREAT BIG PLAN for you. TRUST.....TRUST .....TRUST.....I love you
Spoken like a true momma!! I was able to rest in that. I had an overwhelming peace about being without my meds. And the whenever I started to doubt my ability to keep pressing on with the trip I meditated on the scripture in Proverbs 3:5&6
"TRUST IN THE LORD WITH ALL YOUR HEART and lean not on your own understanding, in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight."
That first night my roommate and I went to our room and were getting settled in when I decided it would be a good time to do a treatment. I could feel the heaviness in my lungs and knew I was due for some intense coughing. We searched our room and found an outlet by the window. I remember warning Emma, "I am so sorry! I am going to cough a lot and it will probably be gross!" No sooner had I finishing saying it when I pressed the 'on' button and there was no sound what so ever. There was no air blowing out the tubing. There was no humming of the motor. It was not functioning. My first instinct was to unplug it and try a different converter set. So we did that. Again! Nothing! Finally we got this grand idea to pray over it. I mean, we pray over people when they aren't functioning properly, maybe it will work over an inanimate object too, ha ha!! That also did not work!
Emma and I raced out of our room and got her dad, the leader of our team, and he hurried to our room to help us fix the situation. Like most men his age with children, Dwight's fatherly instinct kicked in fast and he was on a mission to get my nebulizer working so I didn't die under his watch! He recruited other men from our team who might have an electrical mind. Nobody knew what was wrong with it, but we concluded that we probably fried it when we plugged it in the first time. Pretty dumb! I know!
But remember how I said God had shown me I was going to be fasting on this trip? Well he quickly revealed to me that this was not going to be a time of fasting from food. It was going to be a medical fast. It was going to be a time of total dependence on him and not on anything of this world.
That night as I was digging through my suitcase I found an index card. Written on it was:
Isaiah 58:1-9 "Shout it aloud, do not hold back. Raise your voice like a trumpet. Declare to my people their rebellion and to the house of Jacob their sins. For the day after they seek me out; they seem eager to know my ways, as if they were a nation that does what is right and has not forsaken the commands of its God. They ask me for just decisions and seem eager for God to come near them. Why have we fasted, they say, and you have not seen it? Why have we humbled ourselves and you have not noticed? Yet on the day of your feasting you do as you please and exploit all your workers.Your fasting ends in quarreling and strife, and in striking each other with wicked fists. You cannot fast as you do today and expect your voice to be heard on high. Is this the kind of fasting I have chosen, only a day for a man to humble himself? Is it only for bowing one's head like a reed and for lying on sackcloth and ashes? Is that what you call a fast, a day acceptable to the Lord? Is not this the kind of fasting I have chosen: to loose the chains of injustice and untie the cords of the yoke, to set the oppressed free and break every yoke? Is it not to share your food with the hungry and to provide the poor wanderer with shelter- when you see the naked to clothe him, and not to turn away from your own flesh and blood? Then your light will break forth like the dawn and your healing will quickly appear; then your righteousness will go before you, and the glory of the Lord will be your rear guard. Then you will call and the Lord will answer; you will cry for help and he will say: HERE AM I."
Someone had felt led to place that note card in my donation collection box at church before I left for Uganda. When my mom and I were packing my suitcases she placed it inside my suitcase. How crazy is it to think that God knew I would be in a situation where I would be fasting from my medications and need a promise from him that he had it under control. I found that index card in my suitcase at just the perfect timing. I was amazed at how God orchestrated that and I clung to his promise to me. When I cried to him he did answer me and he did help me in my time of need.
I thought I could not live without my medications. I thought that I had to have them in order to be healthy and strong. However, now I realize that that was a sense false security. That is putting my trust in things of this world that will someday fade away. God wanted me to put my trust in him and to realize that he is the creator and sustainer of life. Man-made medications are not. Although I truly believe that God has blessed my life with the medical advancements I have been able to benefit from, I also believe that with him all things are possible. With him I was able to go two full weeks without any of my inhaled drugs and I was healthy. I was strong. And I was able to be his hands and feet.
God truly asked me to trust him during my time in Uganda. Initially I panicked, until I found that scripture in my luggage. I vividly remember the facebook message my mom sent me when she heard I was without my medications:
"Alicia, I love you so, miss you much but so blessed that you are there and a part of the amazing work the Lord is doing through this ministry. I have sought the Lord for you this morning and the only thing that kept coming to me was Proverbs 3:5&6 so I finally opened up to that passage....as I read on verses 7..8..9.....your health IS, ALWAYS HAS BEEN AND ALWAYS WILL BE....IN HIS HAND!!!!! He is taking care of you and will cover it all. Do all that you have available to do......airway clearance......a lot of it.....take meds that you know have been of help in the past and I'll pray pray pray. He is at work and He has a GREAT BIG PLAN for you. TRUST.....TRUST .....TRUST.....I love you
Spoken like a true momma!! I was able to rest in that. I had an overwhelming peace about being without my meds. And the whenever I started to doubt my ability to keep pressing on with the trip I meditated on the scripture in Proverbs 3:5&6
"TRUST IN THE LORD WITH ALL YOUR HEART and lean not on your own understanding, in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight."
I knew that no matter what God was in control of my health. He had called me to Uganda and he had a purpose for me to fulfill while I was there. I was in the palm of his hand and with or without my medications his will would be done.
God used going to Uganda to change my life. He used it to really strengthen my relationship with him. After all, can two have a relationship without trust? Not really! I learned to trust and love the Lord in a whole new way. He became real to me. Every day I desire to know him more closely and to experience his love and companionship. I encourage you to discover his love and learn to trust him. It doesn't mean you have to fly across the world to do so. It just means you can rely on him in your everyday life to guide you and help you and encourage you along the way.
So the wildest part of the whole trip was that I was the only one with a terminal illness on our team (at least that I know of.) And out of everyone who went, I was the only person who did not get sick in one way or another. Tell me that was not the hand of God! He is true to his word and his promises are sure and amen. God protected me and strengthened me for his purposes and I did learn to trust him through it all. I am so thankful he chose me and I am so blessed to be able to share it with you (:
