I Will Never Forget...

 

Claire

 

I will never forget...

Your beautiful, big brown eyes,

Your huge, joyful smile,

Your little giggle when I tickled you,

Your tiny, gentle hands grasping my face,

Your tender heart and sensitive spirit,

Your precious little voice calling me "momma,"

Your graceful fingers twirling my hair,

Your mouth opening ever so wide for another bite of food,

You burrowing your head in my neck when I sang to you and prayed over you,

Your bow-legged stagger when you walked into the potty room,

Your tiny toes that looked so sweet below your mismatched clothes.

I will never forget you baby girl!

You will always be in my heart and in my prayers!!

Momma loves you <3
 

"How could I forget Your face
When all it took was just one day
For me to see it wasn't ordinary
I could never be the same"

 

"You took my hand and led the way
I didn't even know Your name
But something happened deep inside me
And I knew life would have to change"

"You healed the sick, You calmed the sea
But Your heart was for the least of these
You came to love the lost and broken
Your cross has set the captive free"

 

"So how could I go back to life as usual
And how could I return to who I once was
I just want to take your story to the world
'Cause you have shown me what it means to love"

 

"Now I no longer live for myself
Your words are so clear
Help me live it loud enough so they can hear"
 

I never expected to fall in love with one child the way I did with Claire! It was literally love at first sight. Her sweet personality lit up her face and she overflowed with joy.

 

The first night we were in Kampala we went to visit the baby home where she was. I walked in not knowing that my heart was about to be ripped out of my chest. I walked in not knowing that my life was about to change forever.

 

All lined up on a bench against the wall were these five precious little toddlers. They were anxiously waiting to be fed. Some were screaming. Some were crying. Some were wiggling and throwing a fit. And then there was Claire. Sitting directly in the center of them all was this angel of a child. She was quiet as could be and content to just wait for her food.

 

Minutes of observing this went by when I was handed a bowl of piping hot potatoes and beans. I asked which child I was to feed and the momma of the orphanage instructed me, "That is for all of them!" In my head, being the germaphobe that I am, I thought, "One bowl, one spoon to feed all of these babies? Oh my!!!"

 

But I didn't waste any time. I got right to work. One would think feeding five hungry toddlers at a time wouldn't be too hard. Let me tell you, it is not easy. They have expectations. They expect to have one mouthful after the next. Let's just say that I was not fast enough. I would go down the row and give each one a bite and by the time I got to the end of the bench, the ones at the opposite end were screaming and ready for more food.

 

However, despite all the chaos and uproar of those around her, little Miss Claire sat and patiently waited for her next mouthful. She did it with such grace. Like a baby bird waiting for it's mother to find a worm and put it in it's mouth, Claire waited so contently with her mouth WIDE OPEN. She would only close it long enough to chew a mouthful, and then it would be wide open again until I gave her another bite. I couldn't help but laugh. She was too cute!!

 

This was my first encounter with the sweet little thing. From there on out we were inseparable for the next two weeks. Each morning and each night we would spend a couple hours at the baby home feeding the kids, playing with the kids, getting them ready for school, changing them, dressing them, and putting them to bed.

I loved wrapping her up tight in her cozy jammies and cuddling her until she fell asleep in my arms. It was only a matter of a couple days before she started calling me momma. Needless to say she stole my heart.

Each night before I laid her down in bed I would pray the same pray over her..."Jesus thank you for bringing Claire into my life. Thank you for giving me the privilege to love her. Please protect her from the enemy and send her a forever family to love her and care for her. And Jesus if it's your will I pray that you would give her to me! I pray that she would be mine and that I could be her momma and love her forever. But whatever your will is, I pray that she would grow up to love you and to serve you with all her heart! Amen"

One morning before going down to see her I was reading my daily devotions on the balcony, over looking the city, outside our room. The passage that really stuck out to me was one I had heard over and over in church services, on the radio, and in bible studies, but it never quite affected me the way it did this day.

John 21:15-17 "Jesus said to Simon Peter, 'Simon son of John, do you truly love me more than these?'
'Yes Lord,' he said, 'you know that I love you.'
Jesus said, 'Feed my lambs!'
Again Jesus said, 'Simon, son of John, do you truly love me?'
He answered, 'Yes Lord, you know that I love you!'
Jesus said, 'Take care of my sheep!"

 This time I read it, it was as if God was saying directly to me, "Alicia! Do you love me? Alicia, my daughter, do you love me more than these? Alicia, feed MY lambs! Take care of MY sheep!"

When we arrived at the orphanage that morning I met eyes with tiny little Claire and immediately the tears started flowing. God had used this little girl to show me so much. He used her to show me what true love is. He used her to break my heart for what breaks his. He used her to inspire me to do more for the orphans of the world. He used her to show me more of him. He used her to show me his love.

Claire was God's tool to truly grab ahold of my heart. He used her precious little soul to give me a burden for the lost and fatherless.

Matthew 25:40 "I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me."

My prayer is that the rest of my life I would carry this burden in my heart. I pray that my life would be a vessel for the Lord to use. I pray that he would work through me and speak through me to reach the hearts and lives of people who have never experienced real love before.

Claire has now left the orphanage to go and be with a foster family who will love her and care for her. My heart broke when I first found out. I was crushed thinking about never seeing her again. But the Lord comforted me. He reminded me that no matter if I ever saw her again, she would be his and she would be in the palm of his hand. I prayed great prayers over her and her life and I don't intend to stop any time soon. She is his precious baby girl and he will show her more love than I ever could.

Every day I thank God for her. Every day I thank God for allowing me to meet her and spend two amazing weeks loving on her.  I thank God that he first loved us and showed his unconditional love by dying on the cross so that someday we will go and spend eternity with him. He adopted us into his family. He chose us to be his children and to follow him and serve him. Many are called, but few choose to listen and follow after Christ. I thank God that he gave me an ear to hear and finally a willing heart to follow him where ever he leads me.

Luke 12:48 "From everyone who has been given much, much will be demanded; and from everyone who has been entrusted with much, much more will be asked."

The Lord has blessed me with so much. With that privilege comes responsibility. I am called to care for the poor and the needy. I am called to look after the orphans and the widows. I have been entrusted with the gift of salvation and the love of Jesus Christ and he asks that I go and share that with the world. He asks that I let my light shine among the darkness. He asks that I humble myself and let him use me in whatever way he sees fit.

How could I say no? How could I forget the faces of the children in Uganda? How would I return to my life in the states and be unchanged? How could I forget little Claire? How could I forget the price Jesus paid on the cross for me?

I will never forget! And I hope you never forget too! Jesus paid it all for you and for me. Now it's our turn to go and tell the world!  There are more Claires. There are more precious babies who have no one to love them. They have never experienced the love of a mother or father. They don't know that they are precious or have purpose. How could I refuse to be one that God uses to reveal this to them? How could I refuse to show them how much they are loved? I can't refuse!

My eyes have now seen what occurs in third world countries. I used to be naive. But now I am fully aware of how people are living. I know that thousands are dying of starvation and HIV/ AIDS while I write this very blog post. I can't forget that! I choose not to forget!

Thank you Jesus for the price you paid! Thank you for your never failing love! Thank you that you don't forget us!